Obama To Close Several Appalachian Offices

Barack Obama's strength in red states captured by George W. Bush in 2004 apparently doesn't extend to areas in Appalachia, as the Democratic candidate announced he is closing several campaign offices stretching from western North Carolina to West Virginia. Though polling data throughout the Appalachian region is incomplete, the vandalism at several rural Obama campaign offices, complete with nooses hanging from nearby trees and burning crosses out near the street, was enough to convince the Obama campaign to move out of those offices and focus on more competitive battlefields. Obama hasn't entirely written off the region however; he plans to attend the 15th annual Bluegrass festival in Bluefield, WV, being held this weekend. Obama's rationale for attending an event destined to be attended by bitter, clinging, rural people? "Hey, we're going to compete for every single vote in every single state - even places with fat rednecks who haven't bathed in months."