Colin Powell Spotted Putting Obama Bumper Sticker on Car - AFTER Election

Back during the first Gulf War in 1991, Colin Powell exploded onto the national scene with his stirring, methodical summation of how the U.S. army was going to hunt down Iraqi forces and vanquish them, earning him such a reputation as a strong leader that he quickly became a presidential frontrunner for a chattering class looking for a new political star. The clamor for Powell for President reached a crescendo in 1995-1996, when he "came out of the closet" and announced he was a Republican, saying he had abandoned the Democratic Party because they were "bankrupt of new ideas." Virtually every poll conducted during that time period showed Powell convincingly beating Bill Clinton in a hypothetical matchup. And Powell parsed his words carefully when asked if he planned to run, saying he was "undecided." Finally, however, Powell meekly announced that "he didn't have the fire in his belly" for a presidential run, and receded into the public speaking circuit for a few years. Then, after becoming President George W. Bush's Secretary of State, he put forth a stirring, convincing performance at the United Nations Assembly about the need to remove Saddam Hussein from power, arguing that very credible intelligence showed Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. But when it ultimately became clear that the "very credible intelligence" was, er, wrong, Powell sheepishly became a regular on the television talk show circuit, arguing that "he never wanted to go to war in Iraq in the first place." Now, on the heels of his bold endorsement of Barack Obama - which came just a week before the election when most polls were showing Obama with an insurmountable lead over John McCain - Powell has topped even himself. The morning after the election, Powell marched boldly down to his car and confidently affixed an "Obama" bumper sticker to his rear bumper, and proceeded to drive off to the nearest Washington cocktail party...

Obama Plans "Post-Partisan" Investigations of the Bush Administration

President-elect Barack Obama campaigned on a promise to govern in a "post-partisan" manner. And he appears poised to deliver on that promise - announcing yesterday that he plans on launching "100 investigations of the Bush administration in the first 100 days" -- or one investigation per day, for all you math whizzes out there... When asked by a sheepish reporter how the "100 investigations in 100 days" squares with his promise to rise above partisan politics, Obama smiled that dazzling smile and said, "You actually believed that shit???"

Life After Gitmo: Detainees Look Forward To Future After January 20 Release

The 250 remaining prisoners at Guantanamo Bay , Cuba are marking their calendars in anticipation of January 20, 2009, the day their prison will be shut down for good and they will be released into freedom after years of torture and captivity under the Bush administration. In exit interviews with the detainees, many were anxious to discuss their future plans. Many planned to travel upon their release, while some hoped to return to their respective homes in the Middle East. Others, meanwhile, hoped to relocate to the United States and set up roots in various cities across the country, blending in with the other citizens and, hopefully, finding a good paying job. Some plan to go to college or vocational school; others hope to study aviation or to go into microbiology. And some plan to be entrepreneurs like Amal Allibbi, a 21-year-old Pakistani, who plans to set up his own flower boutique in San Francisco, near the Golden Gate Bridge...

David Duke Sees The Bright Side Of The Election: "Obama Also The First 'Half-White' President"

David Duke is apparently unfazed by Barack Obama's remarkable ascendance to the U.S. presidency. In fact, the notorious former Klansman actually sees the glass as half-full. "Obama is the first half-white president," said Duke, tugging at the Confederate flag lapel on his shirt. "This is truly a historic milestone in the history of the good old U. S. of A.!"

McCain Accepts Defeat, But Still Shocked That Clay Aiken Is Gay

John McCain was gracious in defeat on Tuesday night, and seemed to be dealing with his loss to Barack Obama quite well. However, McCain had a much more difficult time dealing with his emotions when asked about former American Idol runner-up Clay Aiken's recent announcement that he is gay. "I voted for Clay seven times," said the Arizona senator, his voice cracking. "I thought his cover version of 'Feelings' was one of the most poignant renditions I've ever heard. But my friends, I just can't accept the fact that he takes it up the you-know-what."

With Presidency Now Out of Reach, Clintons To Open Quaint Bed & Breakfast

Barack Obama's election as the next U.S. President means that Hillary Clinton's aspirations to one day occupy the Oval Office are officially over, which immediately begged the question: what will the Clintons do next? Well, it didn't take long to find the answer. Within moments of Obama going over the magic 270 electoral vote threshold, thereby clinching the presidency, Bill and Hillary Clinton issued a joint statement, congratulating Obama on his victory - and then making the stunning announcement that they plan to open a quaint little Bed & Breakfast in the Washington, D.C. neighborhood of Georgetown, where the 42nd president once studied. "It'll be the kind of place where people can either sit in the reading room and take in all the literature glorifying our presidency, or easily walk to all the boutiques and shops along Wisconsin Avenue," said Mrs. Clinton. "And what better way to start the day than having Bill whip up one of his famous ham and cheese omlettes!"