Payless Shoe Store The Future Site For Bush Presidential Library

A spokeswoman for Payless Shoes announced today that the Payless store in Midland, TX will be the future home of the George W. Bush presidential library. The spokeswoman, Anita Scholls, said construction will begin shortly after Bush leaves office next month and that the library will be completed by early 2010. Scholls emphasized that the entire store will not be dedicated to the Bush library, but instead a single aisle which currently features clearance items for big and tall men and also for dwarfs.

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Man Who Threw Shoe at Bush Says He "Missed It By That Much"

The Iraqi man who made global headlines by throwing two shoes at President Bush during a recent press conference in Baghdad has now issued a statement about the incident. "Missed it by that much..." said the man, who now goes exclusively by the name "Agent 86." The man also said that CHAOS operatives continue to lurk among the general population in Iraq, but that they are easy to spot because they all travel about in their stocking feet...

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Hot-Selling Holiday Condom Named After Illinois Gov: Wii Fit

Life isn't all bad for Rod Blagojevich. The embattled Illinois Governor has a new condom named after him: Wii Fit. The prophylactic has been flying off the shelves in stores all across America this holiday season, making it the top-selling condom of all time. Bruce Sizemore, an analyst with a marketing research firm in Chicago, says the mega sales of Wii Fit: The Condom has been nothing short of phenomenal. "We're learning more about penis size every day," said Sizemore, excitedly. "And, despite his legal troubles, we owe it to the Governor of Illinois for having the courage to step forward and become the public face of little dicks all across the country..."

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