Boy George "Deeply Grateful" To Judge Who Sent Him To Jail

Singer Boy George expressed his "deep gratitude" yesterday to New York City Circuit Judge Judy Jones for sending him to jail and said he was "excited" to begin serving his 60-day sentence in his "minimum security" cell at Attica State Penitentiary. . "It's every boy's dream," gushed the singer, whose hit songs with Culture Club included Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (answer: Yes), Karma Chameleon, and the unforgettable dance tune I'd Bend Over Backwards 4 U. "To do time in a cell full of violent, muscular criminals is a wish come true," said George, who added that he plans on "doing" more than just time during his jail stay. George did not seem upset that Attica prison officials will not let him don his trademark mascara and lipstick while behind bars. "Prison is the great equalizer," said George. "I know that I don't need to look pretty here. In fact, I'm not even planning on shaving." George will be allowed visitors during his stay, and already Massachusetts Congressman Barney Frank has made arrangements to stop by...

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Obama Summons Chief Justice Roberts Back Again; "Two Out of Three!"

President Barack Obama apparently wants a rubber match with Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts. After Roberts decisively won their first swearing-in match on Inauguration Day by totally pummeling Obama with a downright dyslexic recitation of the oath of office, Obama rallied the next day with a smooth victory at the second swearing in, evening the season series at 1-1. Now Obama wants to settle the score once and for all, and has summoned Roberts back to the White House for a third and series-deciding swearing-in. But the 44th president may want to be careful what he wishes for; reports out of the Roberts camp say the Chief Justice has been training tenaciously, and is planning to stun Obama with a dizzying flurry of pig latin at their next swearing-in match...

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Alec Baldwin: "America Suddenly A Great Country Again"

Count thespian Alec Baldwin among those feeling invigorated by Barack Obama's inauguration as the nation's 44th president. "It was a strange feeling, loathing my country for eight years and then suddenly loving it again," said Baldwin. "It's amazing how, just by the simple act of swapping politicians, this nation of 300 million people can go from being the scourge of the entire world to being a beacon of hope again." Baldwin claims he is now so bullish on America that he has put both his house in Vancouver and his bungalow in France for sale in light of Obama's inauguration, saying he's ecstatic to finally be "coming home." Baldwin was concilatory in other ways as well, even promising to never call his 12-year-old daughter a "selfish little pig" any more...

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