Ex-Red Sox Hurler Relieved He Wasn't on Mitchell's List

Sid Puffinberry, who once pitched in Boston's bullpen back in Roger Clemens' heydey with the club, says he is "relieved" that he wasn't named in George Mitchell's report on steroid use in major league baseball, released this week. "Not that I have anything to worry about - I've never taken steroids in my life," said Puffinberry (pictured at right prior to alleged steroid use and again at left after the allegations surfaced). Still, he says, there were a lot of rumors swirling about after he once threw a perfect game in his only start for the Red Sox, after compiling an uninspiring 1-7 record with a 16.23 ERA in 25 lifetime appearances prior to that performance. "A lot of people say that because my appearance changed a little - well, OK, a lot - that it must mean I took steroids. Or they say that just because I threw a perfect game after sucking so bad for so long that means I was on the juice. I say - people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones... and that if they do, and they want to make sure they can break the house with that stone, they need to add at least ten mph to their fast ball... And I can hook em up with a great trainer..." Meanwhile, Mitchell, a prominent member on the Red Sox Board of Directors, expressed satisfaction that he had exposed enough in his report for Commissioner Bud Selig to take action. "I didn't list all the Yankees who had ever taken steroids, I'm sure, but it's a good start..."

Only 23 Years Until Clay Aiken is Eligible for Rock Hall

Clay Aiken, in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame someday? Not as crazy as you might think - especially after Madonna was enshrined this month. Now, you might argue that Madonna is a mega star who has been churning out hits for the better part of a quarter of a century. And there's no arguing her influence on pop culture (before Madonna, girls only flashed their boobs on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras; now, they do it to and from church...). Still, even the biggest Madonna supporter can't argue with a straight face that she is a rock star! Pop, definitely. Dance, absolutely. Music video exhibitionist, no question. But rock star? I defy anyone to name one Madonna song that even remotely sounds like rock n' roll. So what the hell is she doing in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame, alongside such greats as Elvis, The Beatles, and The Stones, to name a few? Beats me. Which brings us to Clay Aiken, now two years separated from his first Manilow-esque recording. Should Clay hang around the charts off and on for the next two decades, it's not out of the question that the Alfred E. Neuman look-alike will one day sport a bust inside the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame. Thankfully, I'll be dead by then. At least, I hope...

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